Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
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You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard