Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
