Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.