The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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