Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
