Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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