I hate all girls vehemently.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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