this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
