she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
how drunk are you?
Several
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
