Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
