My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
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I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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