Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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