that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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