Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
