I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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