The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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