Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
