ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is it because I queefed?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
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Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
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So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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