My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
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