and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
