quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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