I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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