I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
