I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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