My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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