Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
