You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
God, I missed his penis.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
