In America we eat man semen.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
