Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
a search helicopter?!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
