There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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