Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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