that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
