What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
