i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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