That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
