Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
