Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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