he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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