god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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