I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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