We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's just like the Real World with babies
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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