I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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