I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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