You're so nebulous sometimes
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I party with great urgency now.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
