im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
