ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize