My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
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i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
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You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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