Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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