Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
