i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
