I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
