how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
