I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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