Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
