Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
