Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
