just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
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Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
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I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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