bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
