physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
